Time? Who has it?

It's December what now?  The coming weekend the month will be half over already. During the week we will have middle school band concerts, events and at the end... my company Christmas party. Before I know it... the kids will go to Texas for Christmas, come back and it will be next year. WOW! Time, it's flying warp speed and my pregnant hormones just can't stop freaking out. 

Winter has come early this year... a couple days of staying indoors because when the door opens it opens to a covering of ice.  The puppies slipping and sliding on their way to the bathroom is kind of cute though. We barely have winters here and the last two years have been super abnormal. I can actually wear the boots my thoughtful hubby bought me to relieve me of my numb toes. I secretly hope it stays like this through the "cold" months ... less ice, more snow. It balances life. It's what I adore about Tennessee... 4 seasons. Each quadrant of the year brings me it's own comfort.

This time last year, my honey was preparing and planning to give me the surprise of a lifetime.  His mind was filled with sparkles and lights and diamonds and pouring his heart out to this woman. This time this year, he is alot calmer than me. I'm internally trying to plan and prepare for a little human being entering our house. I want things rearranged... I want things perfect for his arrival. I know, it's pretty silly. He's not going to care. Especially living in a house filled with this much love and attention. He isn't going to mind if his clothes aren't sorted into little baskets according to type and size or if his blankets aren't folded perfectly. He isn't going to notice if he doesn't have a changing table in his own nursery.... he's just going to notice the many hands that hold him and the many eyes that watch over his safety.  But dangit, I notice!  After the holidays, baby prep is ON! Time is zipping by me.... January will be here... and the reality is, it's very possibly for this baby to be here in February. Brandon was due in March and born Feb 24. Put it in that perspective.. there is one solid month of prep!  Holy moly. That didn't help me not freak out! TIME! You're getting away from me!

Pocketful of thankful

Every November my Facebook is flooded with the daily thanks of my friends. I enjoy  reading them. I chose not to do them out of sheer lack of focus. My mind is a web of thoughts and empty space these days combined with complete exhaustion. This week is Thanksgiving and this year more than any I have so many reasons to fill my thankful bank to the point of overflowing. 

These are the gems that I hold in my pocket of thanks....  

I wake up every morning to the man I gave my heart and the rest of my life to. He's the hottest thing on earth to me. We are not perfect but I can bet my life and know with all certainty that he will protect me and my children and for that, I am thankful.

I have the ability to watch my children grow before my eyes into intensely profound human beings. I can kiss them in the morning and hug them before bed. They have taught me more than a lifetime of books could. I still look at them and my breath escapes me the same way it did when they were born. They are beautiful. 

I have a very new measure of thankfulness this year. Although it is not a new feeling exactly it's by far unique. The insurmountable kicks and punches that come from within... The ability to be in pain, wobble and walk, throw up randomly,  get kicked in the ribs and still smile and know that this unique baby is such a blessing for this family. I can already tell he is full of charm and love and energy! 

We have jobs that support us. The kids are filled with hope and inspiration for their futures.  We have wonderful lifelong friends and family that even though are a distance away they are always there for us. We are healthy, happy and there is never a missed opportunity for cuddles in this house. Yes, there could be more money... There could be a bigger house... All ours bills could be wiped away... There could be more time in the day .... but if I never get any of that... I have my loves... I have morning coffee and I have my beautiful life with all this to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

It's now late October and the chill has set in.  The fires have started in the hearth and home is all about each other.  Hooray for Fall and for holidays and for family. This also means that the end of 2013 is drawing increasingly near. Wow, what a reflection that is. What an amazing year. My children continue to grow into fantastic people, my husband (yep, i got me one of those this year!) never seizes to amaze me and I, myself have not only gotten rounder in all the right places (baby delaney)but am far more confident on most all aspects of my life. Confidence though is not without worry. I worry about the unknown just like the next soul. It's the delight in my family's eyes though and the touch of their skin that keeps that skip in my step.

The baby is growing so wonderfully and being a wiggly little noodle all the time. The most beautiful thing that I am experiencing for the first time is a bond between the wee being in my belly and those around me.... the talks, the touches and the excitement is simply amazing. This has been by far my hardest pregnancy. I attribute that to the fact I am no spring chicken any more and the issues I have had between my last and this one are definitely taking their toll. I've had terrible prolonged sickness, cyst, mystery flank pain, and all that my heart is doing better than I anticipated but as promised.... monitoring that aggressively.  It's quite alright though because in the end there will be a beautiful gift.

I really have the urge to do something creative. I need to scrapbook the florida/wedding vacation... i want to make the baby his very own blanket... I want to get the house ready for him.. I want... I want I want.. and when I do have the time.. I want sleep. lol. Go figure!

That's not my name....

They call me Stacy or Amariah... maybe Jolisa .... that's not my name!  Ahhh the Ting Tings, it's no wonder we never heard from them again!  But, my name did change.  I'm a Delaney now.

It's been months since I last wrote.. so let's catch up! Double time!

Planned a wedding. Summer started. Had the wedding. Got pregnant.

Each of those events in this rather short time were momentous in their own right. First, this was a magical wedding. So magical in fact it led to the production of a growing child but later on that. Before all the love and celebration, there was the planning. I've seen many wedding shows and looked at many elaborate themes for modern weddings small and large but to any individual who is seeking a ceremony that is both personal and stress-less ( I won't say stress free because no wedding is 100 percent without stress to the bride, we are women and that's what we do!) then my vote is for a beach wedding.  I can't put to words as well as I would hope to but it turned out exactly how I wanted. Touching, sweet, romantic, involved and all encompassing fun. I was so worried about if my dress would look right, if my vows would be too long and not go with the feel, if the condo was too small and the cops would come knocking on our door and tell us to send everyone home... that the cake wouldn't be enough. You name it.  All my worries though were for nothing because when our toes stepped on that sand... nothing mattered but us and those who were there to share.

Summer vacation!  We had a blast. We will be returning for our family vacation as annually as possible. Drove 7 hours and it wasn't that bad.  The condo we stayed at was fantastic and the beach was at our toe tips whenever we felt like it. Watching the kids experience the ocean was so eye opening. Watching them grow and become open to adventures they have never experienced is one of life's treasures that I want to occur more often than before. We didn't want to do anything but be at the beach morning and night and I wouldn't have changed that for all of the tourist traps of the past in the world.

We got hitched! Only surrounded by those who are so special to us we made such a beautiful commitment to each other.  I was completely blown away by the level of love from our family and friends and the happiness that filled the air. It's been a month and I can still feel that newlywed high.  I was simply amazed. I have the most wonderful husband and my children have the most amazing step-father in existence. We are truly blessed and I can just see the mountains we will conquer as a family. It was so much fun and it went by so quickly. Magic was in the air which leads me to the last bit of news of the summer....

We got ourselves a honeymoon baby!  The birthstone if all goes as planned will be the color of the wedding. Pretty awesome if you ask me. 

Eggs and Sensibility

I'm pretty sure my fiance thinks I am nuts.

  Maybe it's the Virgo in me having to have everything the same as it was before. Maybe it's my routine nature or maybe it's the mom in me... wanting to share these same moments as always with my children. They are small routines but when it comes to holidays, they are big memories.

Easter to me.... is about love. It's about pure love.  It's about the blossom of life... It's looking at the beauty of the breeze and feeling the grace of the sunrise.

It's about children. They are what spring is all about. The birth of life... they are the flowers of our kind. They are pure. They are beautiful ... just like a rose, an ocean wave and an old oak tree.

It's about coming out of hibernation... being active and moving your lifesource again!

I've pretty much threatened the man in my life with frowny faces if he did not color eggs with us since well, frankly, it's the first time that his job has allowed it. We may just be boiling eggs and putting colors on it but to me it is so much more. It's a tradition that has held for us for 13 years.. not missing a beat. Right up there with the Gingerbread house at Chritmas and carving pumpkins at Halloween ... stuffed animals on Valentine's Day, saying I love you every day and kisses goodnight.

Yep... I'm a woman of tradition. It grounds me. It keeps my children, children. It strengthens our family's memories and comforts my soul. They are only children for such a small portion of our lives.

                             The finished product of Easter 2013! Happy Easter everyone!

When I was your age... I could save the world...

Well, at least a sea lion... or a forest... or homeless children.

When I was 5... I treated my stuffed animals to birthday parties. I couldn't step on a bug. I was enthralled with National Geographic magazine pictures of the world and all of it's beings. I knew then that I was just one breathing animal on this earth like so many. I felt connected and in tune.

When I was 10 I would take those stuffed animals out on treasure hunts. We would set up a camp and try to find gold. My Carebear got along just fine with the purple unicorn.  My cat was my best friend. I would go to the zoo and put my hand on the glass against the water in the polar bear exhibit and pretend I was in there too.... probably having tea with the big one. Because that is what polar bears like to do! I would get very upset when a neighbor dog was mistreated. I was overcome with sadness when a stray cat was hungry. Yes, I fed it... and yes it stayed. I felt connected and I felt I could make a difference.

When I was 15 I was consumed with research about the earth, about the oceans and forests and what us humans do to them.  I learned all about the treatment of animals who were born and bred purely for our food without a life to live of their own. I was disgusted and sad. I became determined to make a difference! I was connected with the world and so optimistic!

I'm not exactly sure where that positive momentum has gone but now and then that young whimsical child who is in touch with nature and life and all those creatures around her still pops up and begins to feel determined again.... I may not save an entire species with my own hands but I can still make a difference. Even if it's as simple as picking up litter in the park or educating the kids to love and respect the world they live in and all who share it with them equally, I suppose 5 year old me would be content with that!

ouchies and age

So my physical luck lately has just been crummy! It's completely frustrating. I'm sitting here (well, kind of sitting... sideways on a pillow on my hip lol... i have to get creative) and my brain is going over all the things that I am not able to do while I'm stationary and at home. I'm thinking of all the things and the people I was dealing with at work before I left... I'm thinking of the things I needed to do on the days I was out... I just can't relax. Being out of work is setting me back in my goals and I'm not able to take care of the people I was working with. Unfortunately, it makes me feel guilty and like I'm not doing my part and I shouldn't make myself feel that way. I didn't plan on getting so sick Friday morning I would have been throwing up at work instead of home... and I didn't plan on breaking a bone and feeling such intense pain. Yet I beat myself up about how everyone around me will be disappointed in me. I actually thought about asking my doctor if I could leave straight from the appointment with my donut seat and go to work to prove that I am trying. She said NO... that I needed more than one day of total rest. I actually had a dream about it.  I really need to relax and not worry ... this kind of worry is not good for my heart... whatever will be will be!!

Well, I got back from the visit with my primary care doctor and she really wasn't able to tell me anything different than the ER doctor did but it's standard procedure to see your regular doctor to follow up.  In closing... she told me we are getting old. LOL. Great.  Oh. I realize I didn't get to tell you all how I broke my tail bone... I like to say I was shaking my tail feather but no... I was roller skating with the little kids! I've fallen a kazillion times in life... this time I landed right on the bone and cracked it! I instantly knew something was wrong. One of the worst pains I have felt.

I'm going to do my best to make my potato soup today. I purchased all the ingredients Sunday before I fell with every intention to make it for us on that gloomy cold day... as you can see.. that didn't happen! I think this will be a wonderful opportunity to teach the kids one of their favorite mom recipes!  They can do all the dirty work! :) I rented some movies from RedBox and got some Dove chocolate eggs.  It's going to be a nice evening at home. Just miss my honey. ( He's in Alabama for a child abuse conference.)

Peace and tranquility.  Walking along a lush landscape of full life. The breeze whispering in my ears to free my thoughts. Creating balance and harmony.  Sometimes I just don't want to think. I want to take a little brain break and walk the path to serenity. Balance in all aspects of my life can be a challenge and it's realistic to assume that it can't be possible at all times.  Honesty and compassion are constantly weighed in on the scales of justice and should always accompany each other.  They should go hand in hand. Truth shouldn't hurt if you live your life in an honest way nor should you make truth hurt to achieve a point. Your point may seem important to you but that's the beauty of life.... we are all different. We have different views and goals and aspirations. Even though they may not be the same we should still be accepting of others. Harmony. Peace. Tranquility.  It goes beyond beautiful scenery and into the hearts of our loved ones.

Lucky Leprechaun!

Top O' The Morning To Ya!!!

 'Twas the weekend of St Patty's Day and all through the house was a bunch of kids in green
 and Hollie reading as quiet as a mouse.
With a freshly done Mani/Pedi she couldn't quite wear the color
but lucky for her she found a willing lady feller!


Today is Reveal Day!!! Wooohooo!

Here's what I got! I squealed with glee :) Thank you swap partner Kimberly!! I don't know what blog you are but I need to find out!!

A couple weeks ago I embarked on a really interesting adventure!  I got to connect with another human being in a surprising and sweet way.  I signed up for a swap of sorts where I was paired up with another girl and we bought each other a book and some nail polish.  My swap partner was super nice and we got to learn just a little bit about each other. After we shared our book wishlist and favorite nail colors... off we went shopping for someone we don't really know!  It was super neat.  I must admit, I picked her book because the title intrigued me! I'm tempted to buy it for myself. Then we waited for a package to come in the mail. The old fashioned way. I got mine in a really pretty flower envelope and it felt like Christmas in March!

I couldn't put my nail polish on right away because I had just gotten my nails done all sparkly and my toes done all blue. But it will be my next color I use!! So, for the sake of this post I found a willing participant in the house!  Sissy is sporting the lovely lavender color. Such a pretty spring look!

And me.... I get to lay down tonight after my house is quiet with a good ol' fashioned book and get lulled to sleep by the words of character's lives.

This swap was really fun and not only did I get some goodies and get to send off some as well... I got to reach out and experience something different!

Spark and Sparkle

I'm alive!!! I have felt so much more focused and accomplished these days. I'm far less tired and worn down. I'm not exactly sure what sparked that but I am not complaining!  I always have a buffet of thoughts going on in my mind at the same time but lately I have been able to shuffle and prioritize them... somehow! I really hope this keeps up. I feel confident and rejuvenated!

I've been doing an absorbent  amount of online shopping and window shopping.  It's been so much fun! I just bought my wedding dress.  It's not exactly a beach wedding dress but it's me. I just thought... what the hell, it's my wedding. Walking up to the love of my life... I need something good!! It's style is a lot like my personality... little bit of classy, little bit of fun... little modern and that bit of my soul that is stuck in the past. Classic, sweet and hopefully a tad flirty.

Now for the extras... cake... flowers and flip flops :)

For those of you who do not know yet... our wedding is June 22,2013 on a beautiful stretch of beach I fell in love with. It's on the National Seashore in Florida and even in the pouring rain is still so beautiful and blue.

Simple and unique ... with our family and closest friends all together we will make a promise to be a complete and whole family and unbreakable force for the remainder of our forever. I can't wait to be his wife! :) heheeh sounds so cheesy but it's dang true!

My quiet crisp clean Sunday morning..

Here I sit drinking my coffee... hanging out with my cat.  Spot's looking intently at a bird that just landed on the deck. I know what he is thinking...."  that bird looks pretty tasty. I would go outside and run after it if it weren't so dang cold!"  Our winters here in Tennessee are becoming stranger by the year. I feel as if winter is struggling to finally arrive just a smidgen too late. Just like an annoying neighbor... it arrives when it's unwanted. It's March and I am aching for some sunshine and life!

I woke up far too early on my one day to sleep in but that is quite alright. I kind of enjoy it. The house is so quiet and I get some time to accomplish the things I have wanted to accomplish all week that I have just been too tired after work (and too sick to think about) to do. These quiet moments are super nice! I get to do what I do best. Think and reflect.  2013 has been so wonderful for us so far.  We have traveled coast to coast both by ourselves and with the kids. Momentum has kicked into high gear for the wedding and  I've been rejuvenated in so many ways.

Birthday season is among us. One down and two to go. I have a teenager now and that's pretty exciting! Now comes the special times in life that shape the people we become. The impressionable years....

Oh! An update from my last post... I wasn't as successful as I had hoped.... with acts of kindness every day. The end result ended with me trying to collect smiles so to speak. I made it a goal to see people smile by something I said or did.  I have been successful so far! I simply don't have the resources to do individual acts every day.. I can't pay for other people's meals as a surprise... I have so much on my plate that getting my own tasks accomplished are more challenge than a reality so I have been very content with collecting random smiles. It's really quite easy.  Even the most sour person that comes in contact with me... I try. I speak to them even though most people may be turned away and shut off by their nastiness and it works! A stranger once told me "Don't let anyone take away your smile."  It really is my most influential asset.

Have a great Sunday morning everyone!!

Ash Wednesday

It's Ash Wednesday.... the day that so many give up a certain personal addiction for 40 days and 40 nights. I think this idea is fantastic. I am not a religious person and honestly I have no earthly idea what the original meaning to this ritual is. Although the ability to exhibit control over something that controls you in some form or fashion is very intriguing. As I sit here writing and sipping wine ( a 2006 syrah blend at that) I suppose I could give up wine for 40 days and 40 nights... I have the fortunate ability to be able to indulge occasionally. I enjoy the taste and it gets me silly.... lack of control? I don't think so. Although I can definitely see the temptation in losing yourself every day into something that makes you feel a tad bit different. I could give that up for 40 days... but I don't think so.

Chocolate.. mmmm. Sensual creamy blocks of yumminess that fits between your teeth and savored to all capacities.... I could give that up. But I'm still not sure why. My waistline could tell you why, but I won't let it talk!

I could give up Social Networking.  Filling my days with checking in on those near and far and constant updates to my happenings often with pictures accompanying. I could... but... this technology allows me to be virtually closer to those that can not physically be.

So, what... what can I give up and why?  I can't think of a thing... because I live my life in such a way that everything I do has some sort of meaning to it. I'm already trying to ditch the fast food and junk.  I try to cook more and eat out less... I try not to over exert myself in needless what-nots. My only weaknesses and addictions are to people I love and the emotions I receive in return for making them happy.

So, this Ash Wednesday (even though I am not Catholic and respect those who are to the fullest) instead of giving up something... I will give. For the next 40 days and 40 nights.. I will give .. to those I love and to those in my community I barely brush lives with.  I'm not exactly sure how I will go about this, although I will report back regularly! I'll begin tomorrow.. with the obvious Valentine's Day! One of my favorite days of giving for the year.

Happy taking away and happy giving to all!

2013

It's okay to laugh at me... my cat laughs at me all the time. Especially when I get mad at him for walking underneath ladders and walking on cracks in the sidewalks.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am powered by symbolism and signs.  I don't like to say "superstitious" but there really is no explainable word for my character otherwise.  So, Hollie the Superstitious Weirdo. I will answer to that. I've been trying to figure out what fuels that part of my personality.  I suppose it could be control. Subconsciously I like to feel as if I had a certain amount of control on life around me and what happens in my future. In ways, monetarily, I do. Work hard... be responsible... use my manners.. respect people. All those important wonderful traits I parentally beat into my children daily. However there is a certain comfort in the idea of spiritually persuading the odds in our favor.  I have been this way since I can remember..... ridiculous idea that something I did or didn't do could twist my fate. To this day, in my 33 years on this Earth... I will not walk under a ladder, I freak out when someone opens an umbrella indoors. I HAVE to eat a piece of the birthday cake... I always hold my breath driving through tunnels, I put my hand on the roof of the car while driving through a yellow light. I wish on falling stars... loose eye lashes. I knock on wood religiously and always tell those I love to drive safe and I love you when they leave me. ALWAYS.  I may not really be able to control much but for some odd reason.. it sets my heart at ease that by saying those words I have done what I can to protect you with my thoughts.


This part of my personality has become very evident as I am beginning to plan this wedding.  This one event that will spur a new chapter of my life being joined with another is a prime recipe for wishings of luck, happiness and prosperity. Right down to the day we choose.... it will need to be a blessed lucky date.

Going along with superstitions are horoscopes and anything of that category. Today is the new year of the Snake.  I hope the snake brings me tricky ways to maneuver around challenges and showers me with love and happiness. The snake may seem like a derogatory animal... slithering.. sneaky, lethal but it is also is intuitive, intelligent and will empower those around them to achieve what they want. I hope the metaphoric snake in my life (even though I do NOT like snakes... heebie jeebies...) will empower me to speak up, to do what I feel is right for my family and I and to not be a push-over. I hope good things will come to us and I most certainly hope that love will be felt by all!

Happy Lunar New Year world!

Happy Heart Day (Early)

I celebrate Valentine's Day much like any holiday. I start to get excited about it long before I can ever really make any substantial preparations for it. I think about those in my life that I plan to dazzle with something special or shower with the many thoughtful ruminations of how much they mean to me evokes. Valentine's Day is one of my favorites of favorites! Commercialism, yes. Hallmark Holiday... you betcha. I won't deny that. But how can I resist a holiday all about the core of my being, LOVE. I don't go buy gifts because of the shiny ads or the well-thought out end-cap displays at Walmart. I don't "buy" gifts 1/3 of the time anyway. I use it as a special day to create something unique in the hearts of those around me. The challenge each year is finding new ways to do so. Challenge accepted!

Valentine's Day isn't exclusively about my significant other.  This year, he's my fiance! ( I still love the title upgrade!)  Next year, he'll be my husband. (wahoo!) My children, my friends and my family all reside in my heart and are shown the love!

I read this interesting article on CNN the other day about the science of love.  When you break down the sentimental attachments we have to our ideas of love and what our body's pure chemistry says about the topic an entire new view is revealed. Particularly the connection between heart happiness and health struck a chord with me.

 Anyone who knows me knows my previous health concerns and have been witness to the direct relation of a happy heart and a healthy heart for me. Those of you who have not been around me for several years, I am subject to VT (Ventricular Tachycardia), my heart has been put through the ringer.. stopped... started... countless monitors and two surgeries... I won't bash on my previous relationships because I have most certainly moved on and have learned and ventured into a much happier and healthier environment and my steady heart is a testament to that love. Occasionally it will still act up but I went from seriously having to consider a defibrillator implanted around my heart and medicine 3 times a day to maybe having the need to take it once a month or every other month!! HUGE improvements! This article talked about a study that was done where a group learned ways to increase the moments of love they felt daily  and it actually showed through those studies that we improve the function of a specific nerve that is a key conduit the connects your brain to your heart. Love is actually a nutrient to your health! I'm living proof of that and so very happy.

So, to all those who made New Years Resolutions to be healthier... Love more. Take it all in. The love from your children and your friends as well as the unique love of that one individual that feeds your soul. Nurture them all year through.  Pay extra special attention to the drawing of  "Our family" that is on your refrigerator... the little demands  for another hug or another kiss.  Let the wisdom of your parents shine through your heart and don't ever let a day go by without telling the love of your life that they are the reason your heart beats so strong.