This is not my first rodeo yet I forgot the amount of emotional challenges that a new mom goes through. I expected the crazy weepy mood shifts the first few days but I escaped it, or so I thought. Nope, I was just on an extended adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin love hormone high... Or something else scientificy. After almost 3 weeks the mood shift hit like a hammer. I'm not sad exactly... I'm not depressed... I'm not doom and gloom... I don't want to hide under a rock... I want to get up and be productive and cuddle my baby at each chance. Yet, every where I turn.... My eyeballs are leaking. Seriously, at every turn... my face plumbing has gone haywire. My poor husband probably thinks I have been abducted by aliens in my lack of sleep. It very well could happen in that very short span we aresimultaneously have our eyes closed. Why am I crying? I don't know is my answer! I feel fine. Yet not really. But mostly fine! It will pass... Very soon.
Not my first rodeo like I said but I definitely feel like a beginner. 4th baby ... New challenges. In the picture above Little Squish is wearing the same outfit his 14 year old brother wore when he came home from the hospital. I didn't have fits of tears at that time. I also didn't have the established family I have and all of the numerous adult worries and stresses. I was 20 and carefree.
Yes, having a baby is so much easier when the siblings are a teenager, pre-teen, and almost 4th grader. The help and the love is unsurpassable. I don't have two sets of diapers to do.. Don't have a newborn and toddler and kindergartener who all depend on me at every turn. No, I only have one child to play the guessing game as to why they are screaming at 2 a.m. Makes a world of difference and in that aspect it's a 100 times easier. With that said... I do have an already established family with their own issues to tend to at the same time and those challenges are not physical challenges like that of when they were younger. These hurdles to jump are atresses on your mind and heart.. Figuring out why the younger child feels on the defense and like his brother and sister don't care about him.. Coming up with ways to tackle why he feels left out. Dealing with life lessons with the teenager about setting such high standards for himself and shifting through the disappointment when he doesn't achieve that.... Sorting through letting yourself down is a struggle when you are 14. My heart broke for him. Determination is great but backing it up is a hard lesson. He is very successful to us yet, like me, so hard on himself. Yah, family is a mixture of trials and successes.
Add to that the very real stress of dealing with selling a house while the other party isn't present, being on leave without income, and doctor appt after doctor appt for what seems like every one in this house. These hormones and chemical imbalances that having a baby entails, really... It's no wonder my eyeballs are leaking. But my heart still grew an extra 6.14 pound and 20.5 inches a few weeks ago and together, everyone in this family will pull through.
Thank god for my husband being home with me these first weeks. He has been an amazing reminder as to what a second person in a marriage can do... Which is everything ... When it's too much. Soccer practices, field trips, dental appts, cooking dinner, being my therapist and my cheerleader... Reminding me that I'm loved and doing great.
Thanks to my children for pouring the love onto each of us... These two parents need it. We are strong..
So to all my new mom friends who are going though the same thing.. it's just a little water. Just a little leak this spring. Soon the flowers will be blooming with laughter and a solid night sleep.
Cherish these sweet moments no matter how damp.
