This world we live in

Mostly, I have been moved by the amount of support being shown for the Paris attacks yesterday. This is one world, We are in this together. I don't see how someone in my generation couldn't have felt the pain in the gut when hearing of a terrorist attack. France may be a long ways away but for all of us Americans this is too close to home. Through all the words of Peace and Sympathy that I continue to see today on the world's bulletin board of social media I saw something that bothered me. An individual stated they were so sad for France and someone replied, "Why, because it happened or that it happened to France?" They continued to go on about the many other tragedies that occurred this week in other parts of the world. Although I do not deny there is terror every, acts like these just hit. These are our friends and they are targets for the exact same reasons we are.

I have always wanted to go to Paris. I took three years of French in High School and can still amaze people with my beautiful song about food. My heart hurts for them, not because it's Europe or France, but because that could have been us. It still can be us and honestly, I am scared.

This morning, as I put on my strong mom smile and kiss my family as I head off to work... this picture will remain in my head. This is Paris, France the day after 9/11. Undoubtedly supporting us... it's not our fight alone. This is our generation's fight and again, I'm scared.

Take a good look...

Let's stop to take a good look at ourselves.

We are more than our shapes and sizes. We are more than our beauty or brains. We weave through our daily lives barely touching on our real worth. What sparks you? What do you fear? What warms your heart? What connections are barely hanging on by the thread that has made them? When you turn off the lights of illusion and you look into that mirror... what do you really see?

I have always been so moved by the coming season. The chill in the day seems to chip away at that outer layer that summer artificially cloaked over us. Our supernatural faces over the fire in the night air allowing us to once again sense our own personal vulnerabilities. As we continue on with our pumpkin flavor-filled days, let's think about ourselves. Let's think about how we can dig deep in our inner shadows and allow them to walk along our side as the leaves fall. Counting each leaf of blessings that we encounter.

We can do better. We can love stronger. And we can certainly feel deeper.

2nd Mostly Annual Summer Family Vacation

We are back home. On my own couch and watching Hotel Impossible. Research should be done on why time flies so quickly when you have no daily responsibilities. Making memories shouldn't flash before your eyes... the memories should throughout your lifetime. I wish we could slow motion the making of them though. Removing the pictures off the camera and onto the computer is one of my favorite things to do after a vacation. I grab my coffee and relive the time photo by photo.

This year was all about friendship.  Last time was about us... our love and our wedding. Friends surrounded this excursion. Re-connection and smiles. Although Sue and I, we never ever disconnect. Our lives may be in different places ... but that girl, is always connected at the core. It was wonderful to sit with coffee.. and homemade wine concoctions... or mimosas at breakfast and just jibber babber about our lives. The same talks we always had and the same ones we always will. I thank them for opening their new home to our chaotic little family... as always. 

We went swimming until our little hearts were content... but I never got my night swimming in!  Saving that for next time. We have a little fishie boy who wants to learn to swim. His little legs kicking away in the the water was just so adorable. We went on a day date for our anniversary .. we went to see Jurassic World in Imax 3d...Took a small trek out to the beach we got married at. Collected sand from the approximate place we stood two years ago. Went to a wonderful whole in the wallish mexican restaurant and back to the house to relieve Sue from the craziness of the child our wedding made possible.

Watching the eyes of a child sitting at the base of the beach while the waves wash ashore onto his little toes is one of the sweetest things ever imaginable.

We had dinner outside while a wild storm approached but missed us. Bishop got his oysters but not his lobster. Again, he will get it next time. There just weren't enough days. But, there was plenty of fun.

Soon it's time to rejoin the real world. I do feel relaxed... but I want more! I want more beach and more pool and more of watching the baby walk around in circles after the brand new kitten.

Summer time in Twenty - Fifteen

Summer time.. and the living's easy.  I wish. Right now... this is me... Except I am the pint sized worry wart clinging on to my perception of lost control. When my children aren't in my care I feel like life is spiraling in a chaotic mess.  I've always  known and have been responsible for what they eat, when they sleep, how many kisses they receive throughout the day. Do they know their self worth? Do they wake up in the morning and greet the sun with a smile? Are they scared? Did they brush their teeth? Is that movie going to give them nightmares? But, I'm the one who comforts them and kisses their boo boos, I lay down with them when they can't sleep.... Oh, my heart hurts.....

But wait,,,,, My children... my life.. are growing. Summer adventure is essential in a well rounded childhood and yes, that means... mom isn't there. This is so foreign and weird for me. I need to trust that all I have taught them in their 15,13 and 10 years on Earth will be stored in their hearts and that they still feel my hugs 900 miles away. 

I hope their summer is carefree and memorable but I also hope they can't wait to come home to start another wonderful and successful year with Mama! So, let their feet point to the sky this summer with not a care in the world. I hope they have new experiences and their childhood selves are molded for the better. They worked hard this passed year and I know next year will be even more successful. It's time for us all to set worries aside and just have faith... trust.... this summer will be great!

Lucky

I am one lucky girl.

I just want to scream this at the top of my lungs.  I try never to take the love in my life for granted but as the routine of the days move on... it can happen. You wake up... you go to work.. you come home and start over the next day. In between that is chocked full with the faces of those you love. They wake up with you. They kiss your face, they remind you to take your lunch... that they need money for the military ball tickets or the CitySaver fundraiser, that they have a test after school or a friend is coming over. Everyone leaves... everyone experiences their own trials and challenges, successes and excitement and then come home.  Our table may be small and our family big but gathering together at dinner table makes up for so much.

I do struggle with working and missing so much. I'm one of the many working moms who do so. I just don't feel like I am doing all I can for them. Life is what it is... and we make the most of it.

When we return after our own separate days and sit around the circle table top... (baby too.) I can feel how very fortunate I am. My life is full and my heart is energized with teenagers and soon to be teenagers and a baby just beginning to learn what they have, a husband who cherishes every bit and is learning right along with the baby... this family life.

Tomorrow, the baby turns One and I am reduced to mere awe of my family through this year.

So fresh and So clean

New! Fresh start. Clean slate. These are terms to describe how we feel with the new year. As the start of a new January approaches, hope and motivation enters. There is something magical in the air in the days after Christmas. As the current year washes away, the new one props it's feet in a running position at the starting line. The clock strikes midnight on January 1st and the shot is fired in the air and away it goes. Possibilities are in reach. The future in our grasp. We are rejuvenated with goals and wishes for ourselves and our families. Hopes and worries alike for the world as a whole. 2015. Welcome!

So, my hopes for the New Year is that 2015 will be the year that...

I can set the wheels in motion for us to not live so tightly. Financially and in physical space.

I will get back the healthy and confident glow in my physical self.

I will finally go on my historic tour of Nashville.

I will learn to do one thing for myself each week. Be it a treat or a new project.

I will plan and get the family out on a monthly adventure.

Will be the year the garage gets completely organized and used for the good space it is.

and finally, my hope that 2015 will be a year we can look back at all the many ways we have lived life to the most!

2014 was about change.... 2015 is going to be about using that change to our advantage. We are a family unit of 6... this isn't new anymore.... time to put that Party of 6 to use! Unraveling what this world has to offer us all.

Happy 2015 to everyone!