The reason for Pride

It's been a year since I picked this laptop up and attempted to write anything recreationally. I know this because the most recent draft had this pride flag on it and I was talking about the reason of the festivals that we have going on in the month of June. My life has been quite the whirlwind since I attempted to write that post. My college classwork is intense, I have 3 teenagers and a pre-schooler with special needs and I have a someone judging me at every turn. Oh and I work full time so... I guess I can give myself a break. Although, I would probably feel better if I wrote more because it is therapeutic.

Sitting here just today, seeing the pictures and video chatting my kids from Paris. Yes, Paris, they are so lucky. Some people dream their whole life for the experience they are having, One of those people is me. I am thoroughly enjoying witnessin g them on this experience. It is amazing. I was sitting here thinking about how much I just love history and have a passion for old homes and buildings and I was thinking about writing creatively. I think I am going to start a section on experiencing old architecture for myself, the feelings and the history that come with them. Relaying my perception of what the walls would say if they indeed could talk. Not sure what I would call it but it will get me out and enjoying my passion. Seeking these old treasures and learning about them. I'm not sure if anyone would want to read about that but it sure would make me feel great!

So for this year, Gay Pride month... I don't have anything as elaborate as what I was going to say last year. I will say that I love my son... I am so proud of him for being true to who he is. He has more internal strength than most people who are 20 years older than him. He has always been an old soul, maybe that is why. He has made it possible for the LGBTQ community at his High School to have a safe place to connect with others just the same. He has openly been "out" in every situation and will not hide it. Why would he? It's who he is. He has an amazing boyfriend and I couldn't be happier. I am proud of all of my children but this month, with Gay Pride.... I am super proud of him. He has shown those around him, since he is not the "typical" and stereotypical gay man that who you love does not make you different or wrong. It makes you human.

Signing off for today and will actually press the Publish button. Enjoy the weekend!

What a year...

What a year! What a year.....

I have always been so fortunate as a mother and a human being in life. For the most part and minus a few medical issues my life has been smooth sailing! I've always been an open book and invited others to peep into my thoughts. I have had much to share throughout the years. I just opened my computer to this old blog and saw that it's been well over a year since I wrote anything creative. Maybe that's best... maybe this world is too full of people's inflated thoughts, maybe too many people refuse to get off their soap boxes of terror and miss the point of the world. Yes, I feel there is a point.

This past year was by far the most trying time in my life and as I look back on it all now, I should be damn thankful that's all it was because I'm not fooling myself it could have all been terribly worse. For a rather spoiled, wealth-filled American though, my life seemed to be spiraling into something unrecognizable. All of it though, has led to greatness. At times there needs to be a break down in order to build up. The diamond that has been created through this tightening coal is our closeness. We have a bigger and better understanding of how we all think, work and show our love and frustration.

In short, because we are moving on.... we have dealt with teenagers and the growing issues that comes with the raise in age status. Young people trying to find out who they are and where they fit in this puzzle. As children, this is easy... I am me and I live with mom, dad and I like cookies and my dog. It's all mapped out. When you have children whom you always knew were very old souls this transition is not for the weak. We have dealt with an array of stressful issues that have been magnified and entwined with someone who was once very close to the family. As a result, we had invasions of privacy, assumptions that filtered into our livelihood, false accusations that made us even question ourselves and trust smeared on the edge of what should have been our safety net, our sanctuary, our home.

I am happy to report though that something amazing and beautiful has come of this. We are stronger, not a single soul will be able to come between us and this newer year has started our perfectly! There is harmony and happiness.

Memorial Day

Oh Memorial Day weekend. The kick off to summer. BBQ's, beer, pools, sun. For most of general America, this is what it is. I don't fault them for that. It means they haven't personally lost in that way and that is okay. They are among the fortunate. I can remember growing up with a blinder to the fact that real people, real people among us have given their life for our country. It was a different time, a more peaceful time for us. I also didn't live next to a rapidly deploying military institution. Many of the kids my children go to school with have personally lost.

How did this holiday become a celebration? Is Happy Memorial Day such a bad term? I can only reflect on the only one I was close to that perished in such a way. He would want the loss we experienced to be a celebration of his life. If we are so solemn for what we were given as a result.. we are who we are as a country, because of those who have given their life. Respect the reason, but don't be afraid to make it a day to celebrate with those you are close to. Enjoy the day that we have... because of those who sacrificed. Celebrate. Honor. Remember.

My children don't remember their Uncle's physical presence. I have pictures that remind. They know he was full of love and acceptance and a very unique persona. He raged at the Nashville goth clubs at night and was a dutiful soldier during the day. He was so happy to be an Uncle he cried.  We were cheated to see what a wondeful man he could become. Newly married and embracing family life of his own... he was never far. His life was taken too quickly by the tides of war but he stands among the honorable forever.

Happy Memorial Day to everyone. May you remember and be thankful.

This world we live in

Mostly, I have been moved by the amount of support being shown for the Paris attacks yesterday. This is one world, We are in this together. I don't see how someone in my generation couldn't have felt the pain in the gut when hearing of a terrorist attack. France may be a long ways away but for all of us Americans this is too close to home. Through all the words of Peace and Sympathy that I continue to see today on the world's bulletin board of social media I saw something that bothered me. An individual stated they were so sad for France and someone replied, "Why, because it happened or that it happened to France?" They continued to go on about the many other tragedies that occurred this week in other parts of the world. Although I do not deny there is terror every, acts like these just hit. These are our friends and they are targets for the exact same reasons we are.

I have always wanted to go to Paris. I took three years of French in High School and can still amaze people with my beautiful song about food. My heart hurts for them, not because it's Europe or France, but because that could have been us. It still can be us and honestly, I am scared.

This morning, as I put on my strong mom smile and kiss my family as I head off to work... this picture will remain in my head. This is Paris, France the day after 9/11. Undoubtedly supporting us... it's not our fight alone. This is our generation's fight and again, I'm scared.

Take a good look...

Let's stop to take a good look at ourselves.

We are more than our shapes and sizes. We are more than our beauty or brains. We weave through our daily lives barely touching on our real worth. What sparks you? What do you fear? What warms your heart? What connections are barely hanging on by the thread that has made them? When you turn off the lights of illusion and you look into that mirror... what do you really see?

I have always been so moved by the coming season. The chill in the day seems to chip away at that outer layer that summer artificially cloaked over us. Our supernatural faces over the fire in the night air allowing us to once again sense our own personal vulnerabilities. As we continue on with our pumpkin flavor-filled days, let's think about ourselves. Let's think about how we can dig deep in our inner shadows and allow them to walk along our side as the leaves fall. Counting each leaf of blessings that we encounter.

We can do better. We can love stronger. And we can certainly feel deeper.

2nd Mostly Annual Summer Family Vacation

We are back home. On my own couch and watching Hotel Impossible. Research should be done on why time flies so quickly when you have no daily responsibilities. Making memories shouldn't flash before your eyes... the memories should throughout your lifetime. I wish we could slow motion the making of them though. Removing the pictures off the camera and onto the computer is one of my favorite things to do after a vacation. I grab my coffee and relive the time photo by photo.

This year was all about friendship.  Last time was about us... our love and our wedding. Friends surrounded this excursion. Re-connection and smiles. Although Sue and I, we never ever disconnect. Our lives may be in different places ... but that girl, is always connected at the core. It was wonderful to sit with coffee.. and homemade wine concoctions... or mimosas at breakfast and just jibber babber about our lives. The same talks we always had and the same ones we always will. I thank them for opening their new home to our chaotic little family... as always. 

We went swimming until our little hearts were content... but I never got my night swimming in!  Saving that for next time. We have a little fishie boy who wants to learn to swim. His little legs kicking away in the the water was just so adorable. We went on a day date for our anniversary .. we went to see Jurassic World in Imax 3d...Took a small trek out to the beach we got married at. Collected sand from the approximate place we stood two years ago. Went to a wonderful whole in the wallish mexican restaurant and back to the house to relieve Sue from the craziness of the child our wedding made possible.

Watching the eyes of a child sitting at the base of the beach while the waves wash ashore onto his little toes is one of the sweetest things ever imaginable.

We had dinner outside while a wild storm approached but missed us. Bishop got his oysters but not his lobster. Again, he will get it next time. There just weren't enough days. But, there was plenty of fun.

Soon it's time to rejoin the real world. I do feel relaxed... but I want more! I want more beach and more pool and more of watching the baby walk around in circles after the brand new kitten.

Summer time in Twenty - Fifteen

Summer time.. and the living's easy.  I wish. Right now... this is me... Except I am the pint sized worry wart clinging on to my perception of lost control. When my children aren't in my care I feel like life is spiraling in a chaotic mess.  I've always  known and have been responsible for what they eat, when they sleep, how many kisses they receive throughout the day. Do they know their self worth? Do they wake up in the morning and greet the sun with a smile? Are they scared? Did they brush their teeth? Is that movie going to give them nightmares? But, I'm the one who comforts them and kisses their boo boos, I lay down with them when they can't sleep.... Oh, my heart hurts.....

But wait,,,,, My children... my life.. are growing. Summer adventure is essential in a well rounded childhood and yes, that means... mom isn't there. This is so foreign and weird for me. I need to trust that all I have taught them in their 15,13 and 10 years on Earth will be stored in their hearts and that they still feel my hugs 900 miles away. 

I hope their summer is carefree and memorable but I also hope they can't wait to come home to start another wonderful and successful year with Mama! So, let their feet point to the sky this summer with not a care in the world. I hope they have new experiences and their childhood selves are molded for the better. They worked hard this passed year and I know next year will be even more successful. It's time for us all to set worries aside and just have faith... trust.... this summer will be great!