#Trysomethingnew2022

 Welcome to a New Year! Welcome to truly living in the now. Welcome to no longer procrastinating to the point of rushed endeavors. Welcome to 2022.

Something tells me that I'm not alone. Not alone with the idea that there is something else to this life that we have not experienced. In my 42 years, with all that I haven't done. I ask myself, "Have you even lived 1/3 of the life that you COULD be living. Do I really know what I like in this world? Do I even know myself when I don't know what I could become?" As humans, we become versions of the people around us and we are shaped by the experiences that flow through and around our unique individualities. We have a base persona but the spirit of exactly who we are is continually fluid and ever changing. Living, truly grabbing the melodic verse of the beauty in our world; is a collection of unique experiences, mesmerizing treats for the senses, and nonsensical occurrences that as C & C Music Factory from my childhood would say are, Things that Make you go Hmmmm.....

Last night, I kicked off my 2022 plan that my dearest friend thought of. Choose something new every month and do it. No matter what, Do it! That is the plan. We are taking charge and being proactive of our experiences. This month, my something new had a focus on the historical Roxy Theater. I have lived in this city well over half my life and have never seen a Live Performance in this building. Sheryl Crow filmed her famous music video for "All I Want to do is have some fun" in front of this theater. Not many people know that I was a performer in my youth and have been aching to sit in those red seats and watch some magic unfold in a live theater setting. Yes! For January's Something New I was going to the first play I could.... I'm going to The Vagina Monologues. It was not at all what I expected.

   

Since all new things are, well, new.... and there is the potential for awkwardness in new... I asked my adventure partner, my mom to join. Good thing I did! More to come on that later...

So, My mom and I set out to have our very first #Trysomethingnew2022 adventure! We were hungry so it only makes sense to go to a restaurant we haven't ever tried on New Day. Mickey's Downtown had a nice bohemian craft beer selling vibe. Their niche appeared to be fancied up versions of kids food. I picked the jalapeño popper grilled cheese sandwich and Mom got the buffalo chicken grilled cheese. It was, okay in my opinion. We both only ate one half. Later the next day, my 16 year old ate them both and said the Buffalo chicken sandwich was better. We won't talk about how he just ate my leftovers without asking... did I mention he was a teenager? Final review for Mickey's: On the sliding scale of Frowny Face Yuck to Best thing in my Mouth EVER.... It was OK yet OK enough to be mad when someone eats yours and that person isn't you.

We took in the chilly air as we walked around downtown wasting time until the show. Some shops were closed, many buildings were empty, a staple is being rebuilt, and some were welcoming the community in to browse their merchandise and have pleasant conversation. Quaint little bookstores with whimsical appeal, boutique eccentric food store, classic historical store fronts to modern business offices establish the true small town Main St, America.

Once our downtown stroll and perusing was complete we made our way to the familiar lighted sign that needs some love. 

The Roxy had it's start in the early 1900's as The Lillian theater. This corner used to be home to Clarksville's Music and Entertainment scene. The Lillian went through 2 fires, was closed in the Great Depression and reopened as The Roxy in 1947. This was the spot Clarksvillians would go to watch movies until 1980. Today, it's a live Playhouse and in the decades I have lived here, I had not seen a live show there. This was the first thing on my 2022 Bucket List. My anticipation was that I would be sitting in the red seats in the main theater where many shows have been watched before me. No, that isn't what I got. More on that soon. 

But we open the doors, we pick up our tickets and we grab a Blackhorse beer (community helping community) and sit and wait until it's time to "take us upstairs." I am so confused.... but, I get more time to talk to my mom. SO, we talk... and we talk." It's 10 minutes to 7 so we gather and go with the group, there was only about 10 of us, back outside on the street and into another door that takes us up stairs and into a small room with a stage. 4 women were on that stage seated ranged young to older and thin to bigger and light to darker, hetero and homosexualities, strong to strong. They were to resemble every woman with stories from every woman. With all the diversity the one constant is strength. Back to the room though, it's dark, small and had a very 1960's beatnik underground (even though we are upstairs) feel to it which was fitting for this play of spoken word prose we were about to witness. My mind wonder what other genres of performance has been in this room. With so few people in the audience and being so close to the actors, I felt the performers were speaking just to my mom and I and they sure said the word Vagina alot. But the message rang loud and clear, embrace the word... and all the sadness, fears, and happiness that comes with having one. Embrace the word and you give it power for those that have had their power ripped from them. The power of being a woman. 

As for the show itself, I expected to laugh a lot more than I did. However, when I did laugh, I laughed pretty dang hard. The best part of the experience was yelling the C word with my mom over and over. I've come to know my mom on such a different level these passed years and watching her have a spark of zest with reckless abandon is inspiring. The show only lasted about an hour and a half with no intermission and then we called it a night. 

There we go! My first #trysomethingnew2022 thing of the year! I definitely learned from this experience. I learned that some things may not be what you thought they would be when trying something new. I am thankful I went to this show even though the event was far from what I imagined. I do however want to see a different show at the Roxy in the main theater. I've left this new experience with a deeper sense of pride for being a woman than I already have (girl power!) another positive memory with my mom, more time spent in a piece of history, and the motivation to find my next New Something!

Blessings Among Chaos

In solid Hollie fashion, my last post stated my intention to routinely write my thoughts. It is therapeutic, it is entertaining and downright fun. Sharing with others is one of my joys. Sharing my knowledge, my possible wisdom, my experience and finally, sharing my heart brings me joy. I should have made myself write more this year. Forced myself to sit in this super comfy, claimed by the husband but I sit in when he isn't around, brown recliner and WRITE. I did not. And what a year to not document! 

2020 .....

My last post was completed in January. At the brink of promise....In January of the year 2020 I finally received my Bachelor's Degree, my second child had all the promises of her senior year ahead of her, I had lost a bunch of weight and was feeling pretty feisty in my new clothes, My oldest was in Utah in the process of signing up for the service. My younger middle child was going with the motions of life and my youngest baby was in Kindergarten. I enjoyed my days in the office and was always busy. My hubster was busy at work managing several different police officers in a school setting. Always busy, always surrounded by young life. The coming months proved to be something out of this world. What was yet to come tossed everything we knew about everyday life aside. 

What was going on??? 

We would read on social media sites and hear on the news. We would hear versions from friend's and family... People in other countries were getting sick and their hospitals were not able to keep up with the demand. Death upon death abroad. We here it will come to our country. We hear that Tom Hanks and his wife get this sickness... we begin to panic. Toilet paper and all cleaning products were hoarded from the stores along with the common sense for survival. All of a sudden a new virus became political. School was canceled before Spring Break, there was no prom and no graduation ceremony. The public was urged to remain home and keep outings to a minimum. The only imaginable way to halt the spread of these germs is to not share them. Countries around the world went quiet, the use of technology for work and for socializing was put to the absolute test. Friendships, relationships and family were challenged to find the good in each other rather than let the annoyances of close proximity take the best of them. Some made it through and some did not. Truth, passion, wonder and fear all made themselves known in a major way. There were wild fires on one coast and riots on another. Hurricanes down below and virus hot spots on top. There was a historic presidential election that took place where my older two were able to have their voices heard for the future. 

But what about me?

With my heart condition I have been worried. Not exactly scared but worried for certain. I worried about who I was around and who they were around. I had a very limited circle I was routinely around. I felt as if I was forgetting about people and I was not. I fear some may have taken it personally but I tried hard to let them know I still cared. During the last quarter of the year, my circle became so small that it's close to a speck rather than a circle... it's my family. I struggled with this for a while but I came to the conclusion that yes, all things happen for a reason; my family is my focus. Their well being, their health, their goals and challenges are all meant to be in the forefront at the end of this year that is 2020.  I have had successes and losses. I have had vibrancies and latencies with my health. I have lost friends and gained others. I have learned solid lessons to dealing with both scenarios. Your friendship is only as strong as the mutual understanding and grace. It takes a chaotic year like 2020 to place the world and it's compartments of life into clear perspective.

So on to the holidays..... to usher in a bit of cheer. Hopefully safely and with happy purpose. Let's celebrate the many blessings we have had among the chaos that is 2020.

A vision of 2020

I used to write daily. It freed my soul! Now, as I look back through the past 7 years my posts have come about what seem like once a year. All roughly at the beginning of a new year.  I supposed this is largely due to the New Year being a time of reflection on life and myself.  I choose ambition and become motivated for a brief week.

I'm nearing the end of my college career which has sucked up a vast portion of my time. My work has swallowed up even more. After this, my family takes up valuable hours which I have no complaints on. I need those hours with my family to breathe. My health has been a miserable suspect on occasions and I suspect that when I am finished with my degree in a few short weeks I will know exactly what to do with my "free" time.  I'll be able to write more creatively. I'll be able to set my ideas to motion and watch the words fly.

I still have the novel idea to begin seeking out old buildings to tour. Unique structures to photograph, precious treasures that may seem to only interest myself, document and write about the secrets within those walls that have been echoed through the many years that it is standing. I want to give my children the gift of discovering history with me, to visit new sites, and to share uncharted territory.  I want to release the young child that dreamt of being an explorer in a simpler time.

I want to try different wines and foods. I want to give a definition to myself other than "mom." I used to think of myself as boring because I didn't have any active hobbies. But, I do have many many interests and soon, I will be exploring those interests to the full extent and I hope to share them with everyone around me.

And....just like that.. it's all about...

U.

University. Utah. Unique. I see why my son chose it to further himself with education and life. It's beautiful. It's Uncanny. It's open and serene. It will be a great place for the exploration of all things BMF. I'm so very thankful that I had this trip with him. The two of us against the world one more time. 

Started early morning... said goodbye to home. He knows where he is ALWAYS welcome.

3 days of traveling. We made it with plenty of time to spare.. wait, no, we went straight to moving him in!

MOUNTAINS!! I remember when this was a daily landscape for me.

Somewhere, Wyoming

Dorms, basketball, football, SLC and mountains!

 When there is In N Out, we must have it.

 First roommates

Beautiful backdrop

And then I flew home.... alone. One kid less. I miss him. But my boy knows me and he certainly knows how to fill the void of part of my heart being across country. He is U-mazing!

Mothering life is a beach!

 

Mothering.

My family is growing up. I once thought these days seemed so far away. There was once a time that wherever I went in public, there was always the comment from some unknowing stranger and it never failed, " Wow you have your hands full!" Yep, I did! "Are all of those yours? You look too  young!" Yes, I was young but I never thought of life in any different way. It was natural. Now, I can go to the store on my own without my three little shadows. I may have another little duckie but the first three watch over him like hawks. Freedom! Yay! But, it's so bittersweet. It's a feeling that I was never officially prepared for. What is this combination of pride, happiness, worry and sadness? That emotion that welled up in me when I first looked at my newborn babies and stared in awe of how beautiful they were. The same emotion that drew up my tears while I watched them sing in school holiday programs, as they walked across stages to claim awards. Pride tugging at my heart. That is the same emotion I feel as my oldest is preparing to move away and start his life journey. But it is mixed with something else... the feeling of an end. It's so hard to explain. Our family is changing shape. Our home will always be their "home" but they will have another, one of their own. My daughter will now be the oldest in the house and the shift of sibling responsibility among them is beginning.

This past week we took our last family vacation as we know it. I spent a lot of the time thinking about this fact.  It's no longer guaranteed that all members will be able to attend and be free at the same time.  Their own lives equal their own plans. I can only hope. That's what my role is now for the oldest, hope. No longer do I need to be the rule enforcer and the one responsible for developing productive character. My role has changed for him. I am now simply support. I've given all the tools needed for him to spread his wings (with the help of my village) and I can sit back and watch the rest of his life, the majority of his life unfold standing by for reassuring love and advice. I'm becoming okay with this. For him, I have no fear about him and his abilities but my fear is of the world. He's going to experience some big challenges and I pray that these challenges will not change the amazing man he is. Same goes for all my children. However, I still have some time with them before I feel this all over again.

Being a mother is something that can not accurately be described in words. There is nothing on this Earth that is more confusing, challenging, rewarding, breathtaking and awe-inspiring. Everyone always says "enjoy them when they are little, time goes too fast." This is an understatement. It's almost as if at the end of the journey, time just jumped.

The reason for Pride

It's been a year since I picked this laptop up and attempted to write anything recreationally. I know this because the most recent draft had this pride flag on it and I was talking about the reason of the festivals that we have going on in the month of June. My life has been quite the whirlwind since I attempted to write that post. My college classwork is intense, I have 3 teenagers and a pre-schooler with special needs and I have a someone judging me at every turn. Oh and I work full time so... I guess I can give myself a break. Although, I would probably feel better if I wrote more because it is therapeutic.

Sitting here just today, seeing the pictures and video chatting my kids from Paris. Yes, Paris, they are so lucky. Some people dream their whole life for the experience they are having, One of those people is me. I am thoroughly enjoying witnessin g them on this experience. It is amazing. I was sitting here thinking about how much I just love history and have a passion for old homes and buildings and I was thinking about writing creatively. I think I am going to start a section on experiencing old architecture for myself, the feelings and the history that come with them. Relaying my perception of what the walls would say if they indeed could talk. Not sure what I would call it but it will get me out and enjoying my passion. Seeking these old treasures and learning about them. I'm not sure if anyone would want to read about that but it sure would make me feel great!

So for this year, Gay Pride month... I don't have anything as elaborate as what I was going to say last year. I will say that I love my son... I am so proud of him for being true to who he is. He has more internal strength than most people who are 20 years older than him. He has always been an old soul, maybe that is why. He has made it possible for the LGBTQ community at his High School to have a safe place to connect with others just the same. He has openly been "out" in every situation and will not hide it. Why would he? It's who he is. He has an amazing boyfriend and I couldn't be happier. I am proud of all of my children but this month, with Gay Pride.... I am super proud of him. He has shown those around him, since he is not the "typical" and stereotypical gay man that who you love does not make you different or wrong. It makes you human.

Signing off for today and will actually press the Publish button. Enjoy the weekend!

What a year...

What a year! What a year.....

I have always been so fortunate as a mother and a human being in life. For the most part and minus a few medical issues my life has been smooth sailing! I've always been an open book and invited others to peep into my thoughts. I have had much to share throughout the years. I just opened my computer to this old blog and saw that it's been well over a year since I wrote anything creative. Maybe that's best... maybe this world is too full of people's inflated thoughts, maybe too many people refuse to get off their soap boxes of terror and miss the point of the world. Yes, I feel there is a point.

This past year was by far the most trying time in my life and as I look back on it all now, I should be damn thankful that's all it was because I'm not fooling myself it could have all been terribly worse. For a rather spoiled, wealth-filled American though, my life seemed to be spiraling into something unrecognizable. All of it though, has led to greatness. At times there needs to be a break down in order to build up. The diamond that has been created through this tightening coal is our closeness. We have a bigger and better understanding of how we all think, work and show our love and frustration.

In short, because we are moving on.... we have dealt with teenagers and the growing issues that comes with the raise in age status. Young people trying to find out who they are and where they fit in this puzzle. As children, this is easy... I am me and I live with mom, dad and I like cookies and my dog. It's all mapped out. When you have children whom you always knew were very old souls this transition is not for the weak. We have dealt with an array of stressful issues that have been magnified and entwined with someone who was once very close to the family. As a result, we had invasions of privacy, assumptions that filtered into our livelihood, false accusations that made us even question ourselves and trust smeared on the edge of what should have been our safety net, our sanctuary, our home.

I am happy to report though that something amazing and beautiful has come of this. We are stronger, not a single soul will be able to come between us and this newer year has started our perfectly! There is harmony and happiness.